I was like baby, baby, baby, No....

Marriage.  It's an institution.  A holy promise made before God.  And people are just blowing it all to crap.  People get married - they get divorced.  People get married - they end up empty shells who hate each other.  And somewhere, I guess people get married and spend their entire lives thinking it's the best decision they ever made.

But seriously, where are those people?  To love and to cherish.  Honestly, I don't know many couples who have been together for more than 25 years and many signs of cherishing one another.  Yeah, they might kiss each other goodbye, but it seems to be more of a habit than an act of devotion.  Heck, they don't even seem all that devoted.

From what I've gathered in my meager 23 years of existence, it's all in the chase.  A man cherishes a woman so that she doesn't walk out the door, and a woman is devoted to a man so that he feels important and needed at home.  A man protects his woman so that other men do not make her feel vulnerable, or snatch her out of his arms, and a woman stands by him to support him so that he does not stray.

But what is it about those 2 words, "I do" that makes people forget love, cherish, have, hold, richer, poorer, forever... that make people feel like they don't have to continuously romance one another?  What makes a man feel like he doesn't have to woo his wife, and what makes a wife become resentful of her household duties?  What is it about knowing that the chase is over that makes people resent one another, and forget the word cherish?

And it isn't for a lack of commitment.  To me, it is human nature to yearn for commitment.  But marriage just seems to lack incentive and create so much heartbreak.  I just want to know that somebody wants to protect me from all of that - but what if I find the wrong person?

Honestly, at this point... I'm not even sure I want to get married.  And I've spent most of my life dreaming about my wedding day.  I don't even know who I am or what I want.  I'm reading this book called "Captivating" and it's a woman's guide to her soul (through the Bible and being created in God's image).  It's supposed to be a no stress guide to how woman are perfect the way that they are, because we are created in God's image, and pressure from men, the media, and the church are distorting us from what we are in the depths of our soul.

Right now I'm stuck on this idea of being courageous and vulnerable.  I've always felt like guys want to be the rescuers - want women to be the opposite of courageous.  And I've always felt that men find vulnerability to be obnoxious - felt that men expect women to just suck it up and stop being so damn vulnerable.  I thought that strength was the sought after characteristic of women.  At least that's how it is in my family. 

I'm just all sorts of confused.