Because sometimes you give the people you love a break...

I feel so out of touch with my own life right now.

The idea that this time next year I will be juggling school with a *full time* job is just... nuts.  Absolutely insane.

There are some days when I'm glad that college is almost over.  I'm pretty sick of studying for exams all of the time, and I don't always feel like I fit into any place in college anymore.  And then there are some days when I just don't want to give up lounging around in my sweatpants all day.  Being an adult is kinda awful sometimes.

I am also incredibly lonely.  I get that being an adult can be like that... especially a single adult, but it doesn't make it any easier.  I can't blame the people I lived around last year - I'm in a different place in life than many of them are.  Plus, I stopped drinking, and for some reason that seems to really freak a lot of people out.  Which goes along with my friends from Beta Alpha Psi - I love them, but I can't go out on Thursday nights and stay up crazy late because I'm drinking.  Or, even really want to be dragged around to different bars and hit on by people that make me uncomfortable, or even just sit back and watch them be ridiculous when I am absolutely crazy exhausted.  And so I've pretty much lost touch with most of my friends.

And it's silly to think that it could be so upsetting... but it's hard.  It's so so hard to be so incredibly tired all the time and then still want to stay up with people.  During the summer, I went to bed at 930 every night because I was just that tired... at school, I'm doing really well to be asleep by 1am on a day before I go to work, and then I have to be up at 6 the next morning.  Working at a desk is so much more exhausting than people can imagine sometimes - the amount of effort it can take to stay awake can be the most strenuous part sometimes.

So really... I just feel like people forget that I am still here.  most nights, I'm down to watch a movie and cook dinner and drink some hot chocolate... or maybe the tiniest bit of wine if I'm really happy.  But it can just be really hard to go down the line and ask people and get so many excuses, so yeah.

Sorry, just feeling like a whiner.