Today has been one of those days where I have been so unproductive because I am just constantly thinking.
And I get it. I finally understand why I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I come to blogspot to get it out...
After every terrible relationship, I promise myself that I won't let it happen again. And normally, it happens again without me even realizing it. This time, I was completely aware of how bad I was botching up my own life that I could barely look at myself in the mirror some mornings. When you compromise yourself so much in a relationship that you leave and realize that you don't even recognize yourself anymore... it really does something to you... mentally, emotionally, and physically. It is absolutely awful. I didn't just give in... I more of less opened my arms and said "I'm a clean slate. The person that I've worked to become the last 21 years is scrapped and it is up to you."
Yeah. That isn't how life works. The ONLY person allowed to change my life like that is God, and me. I have worked for 22 years to become the person that I want to be. And quite frankly, I'll be darned if that person isn't good enough for somebody. Or maybe they will. Either way, I'm out of the equation.
I'm also out like a light. I'm exhausted and it's 1am. All new stay up late record for me.
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