sometimes ya just gotta say it

I haven't blogged in a while.

Lately I've felt kinda bad about some things.  I just seem to be so stuck with part of this forgiveness thing.  It is so hard to forgive somebody when they really seem to be the person who came in a destroyed all natural order.  So I'm working on it.  I honestly can't say she doesn't deserve the crap he's going to eventually give her.  I'm not doing to say that she deserves it either - not my place.


I also feel terrible about the frustration I know that I've caused a lot of people.  I was extremely unhappy with myself for a pretty long time.  Basically, since sometime in October, I've been struggling to overcome some giant road block that prevented me from basic happiness or satisfaction with most parts of my life.  And I took that out on my roommates the most.  And then probably my friends Brittany and Will after that.

Kylie and Carrie are absolutely incredible people.  They helped me through problems that they didn't even really have any idea what it felt like to be me.  They loved me, listened to me, encouraged me, prayed for me, and once Carrie even asked to pray with me, but they never told me to get over myself, or told me that my problems were stupid.  Even though some of my problems were definitely pretty stupid, and I brought most of them on myself at some point in my life.  I've never met two people who smiled at me even though they knew that I would spend the entire time we were getting ready for class complaining about my bad relationship or how much I wanted to be in or out of my bad relationship.  I was a mess, but they never let on that they minded.

Honestly, the part that makes me feel the worst is that they both found the most incredible guys this year, and it took so much for me to show how happy I was for them.  I was thrilled that they found such great people to spend their time with, but I was green with envy.... but definitely not that pretty grass shade of green.  I was more of a toxic ooze color.

So... now that I've gotten really tired and want to go to bed now, I'm just going to stop writing.  But, I'm going to make it up to these people in my life.  This year is going to be different, and I am going to be happy.  And I am going to be happy for them... and show them how thankful I am that they are in my life.

The end.